You know its hard out here for a pimp.

After January 20, it seemed as though the Black community was prepared to take the rest of 2009 as a collective victory lap with the T Tops off the 1984 Buick Grand National as an opening salvo to our resurgence as a people.  But all that hope and optimism just hasn’t been fully realized.  Unfortunately, there are still those out there who didn’t get the memo and have been openly conspiring to keep us off the Jadakiss plan and make sure that we don’t make it.

So we’ve decided to compile a list of people who just want to make it hard for Black folks in 2009.  People who just don’t want us to get our act together, want to keep us back in 2008, and are general haters on progress.

The List:

-Soulja Boy:  As if making us crank that Soulja Boy wasn’t bad enough and hadn’t quite cemented his coon bona fides, he’s come back in 2009 with even more ignorance.  Oh yes, young Mr. Tellem publicly thanked white people for slavery.  Yeah, that’s right, taking a page out of the Pat Buchanan handbook, Soulja Boy opined for the good old days when we were in the fields, picking stuff and singing those lovely songs about our bondage.  Here’s an idea, how’s about we just go ahead and sell him back into slavery and have him thank us for it later.

-Anyone doing the Stanky Leg:  If you’re over 18 and you’ve done this dance anywhere outside of the privacy of your own home, you’re setting us back in the struggle.  Whenever we see people doing the Stanky Leg, we are reminded of the scene at the Edmund Pettus Bridge… only in reverse.

-The Pope:  Not that we’re dissing Catholicism, we just have an issue with the pontiff going to Africa, a place being ravaged by an AIDS epidemic, and then telling Africans not to use condoms.  Someone needs to tell Pope Benedict that its going to be hard to grow the Catholic church in Africa when everyone is dead.

-Kwame Kilpatrick:  Because somewhere in Detroit, someone is organizing his re-election campaign… and its probably going to work.

-Jimmy Fallon: By hiring The Roots as his band, he’s cut their touring schedule.  Why does it matter?  Well, because that’s just one less bourgie black gathering to look forward to this year.

-Michael Steele:  We bet the Republicans want a do-over after picking this guy as their chairman.  The only thing more amazing than his ability to say unbelievably stupid stuff is his preternatural skill at finding an open mic and/or camera to say it in front of.  He’s like his own worst enemy and the hits just keep on coming.  But we guess it serves the Republicans right.  This is the same group of people who complained about Affirmative Action giving underqualified minorities jobs that White men could do and now that they’ve hired their own underqualified minority, they’re living out the self-fulfilling prophecy.  One good thing he did do, he made DL Hughley’s show on CNN worth watching once.

-VH1: This is the network that resurrected Flavor Flav, gave us Tiffany “New York” Pollard, which then spawned Real and Chance, and now has decided to serve up Ray J as an object of desire.  There should be a Bourgie riot in front of Viacom headquarters and we need to demand the head of VH1’s programming director on a flaming stick.  The day is coming soon when VH1 airs Celebrity Plantation and no one thinks twice about watching it.

Anyone else we’re missing?  Please feel free to add on…

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