Wrong.

Now, we love Hip Hop as much as the next Black person, but what we hate is how wrong this album cover is.  Not the blatant misogyny, nor the pedantic notion of what the record stands for, and we’re not even going to comment on the litany of also rans F-list rappers that are appearing on it… What we’re most mad at is the trashtacular Photoshop work on it.

Someone needs to get Pen-N-Pixel on the line and show them how it’s supposed to be done.

Like this…

Whoomp, there it is.

So, if you own this album or know anyone who may have been checking for this record, You might be a bamma.

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from Jon Genius on Vimeo.’ >Any1Man

Enjoy the show.

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Cash rules everything around me.

We’ve been watching as the recession has come along and wiped out wealth and changed the complexion of the financial foundation of America for the forseeable future.  Let’s not kid ourselves here, the news has been pretty bad.  And with that, it seems like everyone is lining up to get some kind of a bailout.  That’s cool, we’ll never hate on people trying to get money.  But the question that The HAA is trying to figure out is; where’s the bailout for the Bourgies?

President Obama isn’t answering our emails and we’ve been rebuffed for several meetings with Sec. of the Treasury Timothy Geithner.  So we’ve some up with out own plan to help put a little extra money back into your pockets.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Bourgie Bailout Package:

Netflix: If you live in a major city, going out and catching a flick at your local cineplex can put a real hurt on your wallet.  In Chicago, to see a movie downtown can run you an easy $50 for you and a date between parking, tickets, and snacks at the theatre.  But in these economic times its time we say GTFOH to the Hollywood hijacking and find a new way to get some movies in our lives.  Enter Netflix.  $20 a month for all the movies you want to see, and all you need is a mailbox.  We’ve done the math and its actually cheaper than the bootleg man.  Can’t afford that?  Ummm, maybe its time to invest in some sock puppets and have you and your significant other act out your favorite films while eating fried bologna and boiled eggs.

Costco: Your father was right, buying in bulk really does save you money in the long run.  All too often, we get caught up in running to the store every couple of weeks to re-up on supplies and that can add up when it comes to your bottom line.  Got something you buy more than twice a month (see: soap, shampoo, bottled water, etc.), maybe you need to look at buying it in bulk.  We’ve been stockpiling canned sodas and paper towels at HAA Headquarters and saving an extra $12.00 a month just on that.  We know its not as cool or sexy as shopping at Whole Foods, but guess what?  Neither is the unemployment line.  So hit up the store, buy you a pack of 200 chicken nuggets and be happy with the fact that you have more money to pseudo-ball at the club.  You can do it without feeling guilty, you have 40 cans of corned beef hash at home.

Craigslist: One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.  Remember that mountain bike you bought three years ago when you were convinced that you were going to spend at least six hours a week peddling around the park only to have that big case land on you that summer and thus the bike collect dust?  Well, we know you’re not gonna ride it anytime soon.  And we promise we won’t tell anyone when you post it up on Craigslist when you hock it off on some other unsuspecting sap… oops, we mean health enthusiast… who’s got more time to dedicate to the road than you.  Same goes for that old Compaq you’ve had collecting dust since ‘04 and the George Foreman Grill you haven’t touched since you got the new new Foreman Grill last year.  All for sale.  Just post them up and wait for someone to come and offer you a pretty good deal for something you’d probably just throw away anyway.  Its like the pawn shop without the inherent sense of guilt.

Bearshare Lite: Not that we advocate stealing music… In fact, if you haven’t already please go out and legally purchase The Foreign Exchange, “Leave It All Behind”… But we understand that sometimes forking over your hard earned cash to Steve Jobs and other known millionaires can be a hard pill to swallow with money being the way it is right now.  Feel free to steal all the R. Kelly, MIMS, Dipset, Soulja Boy, and Flo Rida that you can, because hey, you never really liked them anyway and no one’s looking.

Outlet Malls: Right about now, your local outlet is having a sale.  Recession pricing at its finest.  No one’s going to care that you’re wearing last year’s cut from Brooks Brothers when you laugh at them and tell them you got the pants for $8 (and yes, we found pants for $8.00 at Brooks Brothers last weekend).  If you’re not onto outlet shopping yet, you’ve missed out and may God have mercy on your wallet.

Manual Labor: You bought the Gold’s Gym Membership.  You went for a week.  And their still debiting your account once a month for the $46.  Save your money, get in shape, and do something good for yourself by going outside and doing something with your hands.  Plant something, build something, fix something, lift something, break a sweat and get dirty for a reason.  Your grandparents did it, and you remember how slave-diesel your grandfather was even after eating three meals that all consisted of some kind of pork product and fried side item.  You don’t need to cut back on the carbs, you just need to step it up on the hard work.

Liquor Storing It: If you live in a state where Costco sells liquor, disregard this line ’cause you already got the hook-up.  If not, its time to bring back the spirit of undergrad and start making it a BYOB night at the house instead of trying to make it rain at the club.  A bottle of Ketel One will run you about $28.00 versus the three glasses you’ll get for the same price at your local Baller Haven.  Don’t waste your time of your money.  Keep a bottle of the good stuff at the ponderosa, know that you bought it at a reasonable price, and just keep it frugal when you hit the streets.  Don’t worry, you got more at home and no one cares what you’re sipping on at the bar anyway.

These are just a few of what the HAA Bourgie Bailout Package has to offer.  Feel free to add on any other ideas that we may have missed.

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Beat your kids early and often.

These guys have officially given up their freedom not only for putting on such a buffoonish display of negritude, but also for having the audacity and temerity to video tape and then post for public consumption such drivel.  This is exactly why you cannot allow your children to grow up to be bammas.

I blame the parents and the public school system for letting us down with these idiots.

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The days of wearing old jogging pants and an oversized sweater you borrowed from your boyfriend or older brother is now long and gone. Active wear has definitely been reinvented and now going to the gym or going to the grocery store has become a fashion show. Many designers like Stella McCartney, Marc Jacobs and Michael Kors have stepped up to the plate to help demolish the dowdy woman.

It is important for a woman to feel great even when she sweats. Spring 2009 has shown many amazing, well-crafted garments for the fitness fashionista. Many different layering of fabrics and details like bows, zippers and color combinations have stepped up the game for the active individual.

Some of my favorites in this year’s collection

Adidas for Stella McCartney. If you ever get the opportunity to see this collection at the Adidas store DO IT! Stella really knows how to make a woman feel sexy….even when she sweats. From the cute tennis dresses, to the leggings, to the cute detailing of the jackets, this collection has upped the game onto looking fabulous in active wear.

Detailed accented with a bow tie to accentuate the bust as well have an empire silhouette for quick movements.

I love this two piece tennis outfit cause of the sweet ballerina skirt with the well constructed top that can be used for running and yoga as well.

The detailing of Stella McCartney is what makes her stand out as a designer then the rest. The gathering of the fabrics and the color choices she uses, the runner’s jackets can be used to go on a date and be confident and comfortable at the same time.

The leggings in this collection are not just your normal solid color lycra pant.

Stella produced chic and functional sportwear using mesh micorfibers for comfort with both indoor and outdoor use.

Lululemon

Yes, yoga took off, but the fashion is moving more so then the upward facing dog position. Founded in 1998, Vancouver, British Columbia, Lululemon changed the game of sportswear fashion for yoga, running and cycling. More importantly, Lululemon uses only the most comfortable fabrics so that you can be lounging and looking good at the same time.

The New Gym Bag

Instead of the backpack, the Safeway shopping bag or your oversized GUESS purse, Lululemon has designed some of the simplest yet sweet gym bags that can dub as an overnight bag or as a carry on your next carry  flight.  It’s the Goldilocks purse, not too big, not too small, JUST right.

The yoga pant

The Studio Pant

Well tailored, stylish and extremely comfortable. These pants you wear once and you wish every pant you owned felt like these.  Found in various styles with a variety of color combinations, you can coordinate your active wear with your runners or your flip flops. Every single person should own a pair of Lululemon pants, trust me, you will thank me later.

Lululemon Jackets

Lululemon Jackets

Lululemon Jackets

Form fitting and flattering to every body type, these jackets come in many styles, colors and purposes.  Instead of just wearing an oversized sweatshirt, these jackets are sleek and classic.

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You know its hard out here for a pimp.

After January 20, it seemed as though the Black community was prepared to take the rest of 2009 as a collective victory lap with the T Tops off the 1984 Buick Grand National as an opening salvo to our resurgence as a people.  But all that hope and optimism just hasn’t been fully realized.  Unfortunately, there are still those out there who didn’t get the memo and have been openly conspiring to keep us off the Jadakiss plan and make sure that we don’t make it.

So we’ve decided to compile a list of people who just want to make it hard for Black folks in 2009.  People who just don’t want us to get our act together, want to keep us back in 2008, and are general haters on progress.

The List:

-Soulja Boy:  As if making us crank that Soulja Boy wasn’t bad enough and hadn’t quite cemented his coon bona fides, he’s come back in 2009 with even more ignorance.  Oh yes, young Mr. Tellem publicly thanked white people for slavery.  Yeah, that’s right, taking a page out of the Pat Buchanan handbook, Soulja Boy opined for the good old days when we were in the fields, picking stuff and singing those lovely songs about our bondage.  Here’s an idea, how’s about we just go ahead and sell him back into slavery and have him thank us for it later.

-Anyone doing the Stanky Leg:  If you’re over 18 and you’ve done this dance anywhere outside of the privacy of your own home, you’re setting us back in the struggle.  Whenever we see people doing the Stanky Leg, we are reminded of the scene at the Edmund Pettus Bridge… only in reverse.

-The Pope:  Not that we’re dissing Catholicism, we just have an issue with the pontiff going to Africa, a place being ravaged by an AIDS epidemic, and then telling Africans not to use condoms.  Someone needs to tell Pope Benedict that its going to be hard to grow the Catholic church in Africa when everyone is dead.

-Kwame Kilpatrick:  Because somewhere in Detroit, someone is organizing his re-election campaign… and its probably going to work.

-Jimmy Fallon: By hiring The Roots as his band, he’s cut their touring schedule.  Why does it matter?  Well, because that’s just one less bourgie black gathering to look forward to this year.

-Michael Steele:  We bet the Republicans want a do-over after picking this guy as their chairman.  The only thing more amazing than his ability to say unbelievably stupid stuff is his preternatural skill at finding an open mic and/or camera to say it in front of.  He’s like his own worst enemy and the hits just keep on coming.  But we guess it serves the Republicans right.  This is the same group of people who complained about Affirmative Action giving underqualified minorities jobs that White men could do and now that they’ve hired their own underqualified minority, they’re living out the self-fulfilling prophecy.  One good thing he did do, he made DL Hughley’s show on CNN worth watching once.

-VH1: This is the network that resurrected Flavor Flav, gave us Tiffany “New York” Pollard, which then spawned Real and Chance, and now has decided to serve up Ray J as an object of desire.  There should be a Bourgie riot in front of Viacom headquarters and we need to demand the head of VH1’s programming director on a flaming stick.  The day is coming soon when VH1 airs Celebrity Plantation and no one thinks twice about watching it.

Anyone else we’re missing?  Please feel free to add on…

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You should be here.

enFULLAffect Marketing and Swank Society presents, Omar at the Double Door on Sunday April 5.

If you claim to be Bourgie and have your bona fides as a legitimate music snob, Omar should need no introduction.  For the others who are trying to catch up, if you’re a fan of Neo-Soul and are looking to expand your horizons, look no further.  A classic blend of Soul and R&B with a British twist, Omar blends the nostalgic melodies of the past with the rhythms of now to form a sound that’s both retrospective and futuristic at the same time.

We’re recommending this to all of our Alumni in Chicago as well as anyone else in the area who may want to check it out.  Catching Omar in the US is rare, so don’t miss this opportunity.

For more information and tickets check out Chicago In Crowd (www.chicagoincrowd.com).

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